A Coward's Woman...

I am sitting with my coffee overlooking a beautiful lake. If the job interview I had yesterday went as well as I think it is I will be moving to this place in the woods in about six weeks. That will take me away from my current mister. He is on a vacation with his family this week, and the fact that we are apart is making me think...

I extended my trip down here by a day to spend some more time with one of my best girlfriends (and her awesome dog). Would I have extended if my mister was waiting back in the town I live in? I think so...but part of me isn't totally sure. Perhaps I need to go back on my tough stance on not loving this guy.

I have always been a writer, seeking out love and embracing it wholeheartedly, disregarding the backlash that would always come later. Love is the purest of emotions, even if it comes in a way that is not ideal, it comes anyway. Do I love my mister? I am still unsure. There are different kinds of love though.

"The only kind of love worth having is the kind that goes on living and laughing and fighting and loving."

-Dalton Trumbo

I love my best friends. They will be there for me and respect me no matter what. They will forgive drunken indiscretions with a roll of the eyes and a smile. Perhaps I love my mister as a friend? They treat me better than he does though. He isn't cruel, but he doesn't make me the choice (then again, I AM a mistress).

I miss him now, and I will be sad to leave him, but I will leave him. I think that is the difference I need to dwell on. I love the high of new love, new conquests, success after long time goals, but I love my career more. I need to get somewhere where I am doing what I love and not just who I might!

I also demand a man with courage for a long-term mate. Misters? They don't have it. If they had courage they would take their lives by the reins and steer them somewhere that they are happy. My experience as a mistress is with men that have an empty place in their souls. I don't think it was ever filled by their wives or girlfriends, but over time it has become more apparent to them. They turn to me to fill it. I do my best with sex, compliments, and deliciously baked goodies. We both get positives out of the interactions, but in the long run I will not be able to fix what is broken in their lives. They will have to do that themselves.

"I came because...you're right...about me. I am a coward. I have been my entire life. I tried to make up fr it by collecting power, and the power became so important that I couldn't let go. Not even...when that meant losing the most important person in my life."

-Mr. Gold, Once Upon a Time 

Can secret sex with a woman they would never be able to get if they weren't taken help fortify some strength? Perhaps, but I think cowardice is a chronic disease. I am unsure if there is a cure for it in the long run.

So, you are probably wondering, why sleep with cowards? Well, sleeping with married men sure does take a great bit of courage. Cowards or not, they don't always dive into my bed without much preparation on my part. The scheming is where the fun comes in. I love seeing them try to resist, and then give in. Talk about a compliment!

Cheers to plans, cowards, and forbidden sex!