The first time I hooked up with my current mister was at the beginning of the summer, it was sloppy, and not ideal. I had fallen for him about the instant that I met him, but when we went out to the bars and ended up back at my place it was I that stopped it before it resulted in actual sex. I didn't stop it because of his wife or the fact that he had kids, but because we worked together. The big issue here was I wasn't full of class when I stopped it either. I believe it was whiskey that I was mostly full of--and I almost cried!
For the rest of the summer he still flirted heavily, but did not make a move (even after I was blatant about my intent to bed him at some point). He even tried the "we shouldn't even be friends" card. It took over two months before he kissed me again and that was just over a week ago.
The elation I felt was amazing. I was LITERALLY skipping around. I had achieved my goal, I had worked hard for it, and got my reward. He was possibly an even BETTER kisser than I remembered, and I did not feel guilty.
One thing that I did that day did surprise me though. I know that you all do not know me, so let me give you a brief snap-shot of myself in relationships...
I have moved across the country to follow a man with no career plans to speak of. I justified this by telling myself and everyone else that I wanted to move and it wasn't because of him (it was). I turned down jobs so that I could be with him. I delayed my job search while he hiked the PCT and didn't make plans for himself. In another relationship I relocated cities while I was a full-time college student to be close to who I was dating. I took up gaming for that one! (I don't even LIKE video games!)
All of those actions are in stark contrast to what I did the day I realized I finally "had" my mister. I received a call from someone interested in hiring me. This job is about a six hour drive from where I work with the mister, and is exactly what I have been looking for. I took the call and went through an interview in high spirits and excited. In the past I would have done this, but come up with some sort of a justification for not taking the job (when really I wouldn't want to be away from the guy I cared about). It was different this time.
This could be a direct example of why I prefer being a mistress to being a girlfriend. It feels RIGHT to think of myself first. In many ways being a mistress is one of my most functional ways to be in a relationship. I am much less likely to forget that I am the most important person in my life. I don't default to the man in the situation as the number one individual to think about. I never considered not taking the job if I am offered it.
Elated? Yes. Skipping? Yes. Deserting my dreams for a man I care about? Not anymore.
Cheers friends.
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