The First Time I Slept with a Married Man

I know that these posts jump all over the place, however it tends to be that my siren's brain is meandering on the given day I sit down to type.

"My own feeling is that if adultery is wickedness then so is food. Both make me feel so much better afterward." 

-Kurt Vonnegut

It is interesting to me to think back on how affairs progress. Like relationships they are all different. The only thing that is similar is the fact that there is one person (at least) who is promised elsewhere.

An entire summer built up to the first time that I slept with my married manager. We had fooled around some months before, and had been doing the same in the weeks leading up to this. You would think that with our obvious connection that there would be something tender about our interactions, but there really wasn't. I would be lying if I said that I wanted there to be tenderness. I would also be lying if I said I didn't care about this man--but it is in a different way than I care for men I love.

I have a deep respect and understanding of him. I do not love him.

Anyhow, with a whole summer of build up, our physical interactions had been more of a weakening of wills that wasn't regretted, but wasn't dwelt upon. We never hung out naked talking, we'd get clothed as soon as we were finished and then talk. We only ever had one conversation mirroring 'pillow talk' and it was 3 months after our first interaction, and we hadn't even kissed since then.

He was forward this time. I had brainstormed ways to get him to come over to my house before we both left town for a week, and he blatantly told me he was coming over. He did, and he asked to go to my room shortly thereafter.

There wasn't cuddling, there wasn't guilt on his end (which I have seen with men in the past that are taken). There was just a matter of fact way of things that was strange in its comfort. It seemed to me like we had merely added another thing we do together to the list of running, debating, working, and hiking. Sex, not that major.

I remember back to middle school when I was taught that sex changes everything. In my experience that is often the case, but not always. That NOT ALWAYS is important. I have had interactions with men who are friends and with intimacy added in, nothing negative happens to the relationship. I am thinking that might be what happened with this interaction. We text and call constantly, and he was emotionally cheating on his wife before we ever touched, but I don't think the touching pushed it to another level.

I am impressed/interested in the fact that I do not find myself wanting him to leave his wife. I do want her to find out in a way, just because I think it would be fun! Fun in a twisted I crave drama sort of way--not in a long term good idea sort of way.

Cheers to legal adultery.