Open Relationships?

2010:

He was someone that I had known in high school, through our Catholic Youth Program. For the record, all you readers trying to figure out how I can be religious and do what I do, I no longer am a practicing Christian of any sort. We had exchanged knowledge, and I had borrowed a book from him (C.S. Lewis's Screw
tape Letters), but I hadn't so much as spoken to him in about five years.


I ran into him by chance when walking through the college campus in the city I was living in post-college. I was on my way to the bar. He recognized me first, and I couldn't place him initially. He introduced me to his girlfriend, and it all clicked. I remembered how smart he was back then. That day I sent him a Facebook message:

Hey, it was great bumping into you today, it's been forever. Sorry it was a bit awkward, I've never been good with the random conversations while acquaintances that don't know each other look on type thing. Chomsky should be great, hopefully I'll see you there through the crowd I am hoping turns up.

I live in Madison for now, but am hoping to move west once my lease ends in August (and I save enough money to avoid the wage slave experience for awhile). Madison is great, most times, but getting away from winter for awhile and being surrounded by more like-minded people would be a much-needed breath of fresh air.

We should catch up sometime before I flee the Midwest, it has been far too long. I live downtown so would love to meet for coffee, a drink, chill in a park, or something sometime if you are down.

Either way, take care.

April 8, about two weeks after we had run into each other, we met for coffee and my new goal was created. Seduce the former friend who I hadn't seen in years that seems to want nothing to do with me. If anyone was up for the challenge it was me. Here is the message I sent to him after coffee:

Hey,

I had a blast yesterday. I'd forgotten how much I miss having great conversations with people (that know that something is wrong with the way things are). So, thanks:) I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to the Finkelstein talk on Tuesday, so I'll prob see you there.

I should have written down books you recommended, since I don't remember titles now...if you could send me a list I'll definitely check them out. Here are books I mentioned that you should check out/links so you can read some more about them:

(List of books and TED Talks)

I have a copy of the Stack letter that I mentioned (the guy who crashed into the IRS office) and Chomsky read some of if you want it. It's a bit long for fbook messages however, so I'd need your email.

Take care and we should hang out again soon.

He finally agreed to meet for coffee again, and we talked politics for nearly four hours. He considered himself a socialist, I was a well-read environmentalist, and we hit it off immediately. He flirted, I flirted, but I could see it would take a lot of time and work to win this one over.


For nearly two months we hung out all the time, talked constantly, and indulged in an emotional relationship. Our conversations moved from Facebook to phone and in person talks. He got everything out of me but an actual emotional commitment (though I'd be kidding myself if I said I felt nothing for him). I caught him checking me out from time to time, and I knew that the intelligence of our interactions was as much of a turn-on for him as it was for me.


Then, finally, one day I achieved my goal. We were sitting in his living room when he told me that his girlfriend and him were in an open relationship (a total string of shit, but I listened). Shortly after he justified to himself what we were about to do we were in his bedroom, and he couldn't get it up. He said he had stage fright. I showed him the right of it though, and we had horrible sex. Hey, I accomplished my goal!


We slept together on an off with varying levels of success until I moved out of that city. It was forbidden sex, the best kind. He still calls from time to time, I think he misses me more than I do him (since I don't miss him). He never told his friends or her about us being together (so much as being open). She had been away in Africa for the entire summer while he fornicated with me. Going away for a summer and leaving your boyfriend at home? Watch out. There is someone like me ready to swoop in. He might be there for you when you return, but he has been there for another the whole time you were gone.



That, my friends, is how you seduce a socialist. Use your mind, debate, and let them justify the fact that polygamy makes more sense in their life.

My take on the story looking back:

I cared a lot for this man, more than I was willing to admit at the time. His denial of me did truly hurt me, but I kept pressing forward. He is still with the woman he was dating while we were together, and she still had no idea that it happened. Do I feel guilty? No. I do wish that I had guarded my heart a little better with him. I have learned a lot in the past three years. I ran into him about a year back, and was amazed to lack much of an attraction at all for him. He may still be taken, but I have grown a lot.